I must re-think about life

It has been an extremely draining few weeks. I never really got out of the lowest point in my life. I was hovering around sadness.

I need to reconsider my life.
I need to reconsider how I live life.
I need to reconsider how I think.
I need to reconsider my mindset.
I need to reconsider my values and principles.
I need to reconsider how I feel.

I need a major overhaul. But is it necessary? I know my friends would say I am doing fine, I am doing great. There is nothing wrong with how I go about doing things in life. My values and principles are safe and sound.

Sometimes, life just gets the better of you. You feel that your life is controlling you, not the other way round.

It is strange how the mind can be thinking of one thing, then thinking of another in just a split second.

I am extremely exhausted. I know I should not be thinking so much but events that happen in my life forced me to think about such issues. Am I living in a world of mine own, even though I look like I am part of the world with many different people?

I have no answers to a lot of issues. I know I will never have.

I never believe in the term "life changing event". I don't know, but I think I am experiencing one now. Is there something fundamental about anyone that will not change for life? Can your personality change, mentality change, just because of one incident?

I know I am a fighter, but sometimes fighters do lose faith in the things they do. I know I am a weakling, but sometimes weaklings are brave enough to fight.

Hahaha... my mind is in sixes and sevens. I don't even know what I am talking about. Blogging is a good way to talk nonsense. I need to get through life but how do I go about it? They say things are always up to for interpretation. How you see things is dependent on your personality, your experiences etc. I don't know... arrrgghhh... I don't know my flow of thoughts. Damn!

I think I really need a huge break. A break away from civilisation, away from people, away from life, away from everything. I need someone to take my brain out, wash it with some dethol, disinfect it and put it back. I need someone to take out my heart, squeeze it dry of emotions, make sure there are no stains on it anymore, and then hang it to dry before putting it back.

I can continue typing for hours... but I shall stop here.

-dakepaike-

ps: oh, the dakepaike weekly quotes are missing for 2 weeks, I know that but for those looking forward to the quotes, please pardon me, for I also did not do so many things in my life at this point in time. This year I 犯太岁, I prayed already but I don't know why I am still feeling so low. A moment of conviction can turn into despair at the next moment. Shattered, absolutely shattered...