Sorry??
This word has less and less meaning to me. What I feel is that people apologize for various reasons. To absolve themselves from blame? To get rid of aggressors from hounding further? To remove themselves from further interrogation? Or could it be, simply to sincerely apologize?
Sincerity comes into the picture. We look at the people waiting for an apology. Do they have any other reasons other than the apologizer to be repentant? I hardly think so. Of course, there are people who want to be apologized to inflate their egos, but I’ll leave them out of the picture today. All times, we look for sincerity while watching people apologize. What if there isn’t? Anger follows.
What I start to think is that the word ‘sorry’ begins to be more and more redundant and ineffective. (The engineer and the need for effectiveness) As I have mentioned, the action of relating the sincerity in the apologies is more important. What I would argue is that apologies is sugarcoating, what lies between the lines is more important.
Not only for just the simple action of apologizing, but in all forms of communication, be it with or without words, for all effectiveness, I appeal for sincerity.
Is ego a factor? Maybe… Maybe not…
(Sorry for rough work. All of last minute ideas. No pun intended. Sincerity rules.)
-异客拍客-
Sincerity comes into the picture. We look at the people waiting for an apology. Do they have any other reasons other than the apologizer to be repentant? I hardly think so. Of course, there are people who want to be apologized to inflate their egos, but I’ll leave them out of the picture today. All times, we look for sincerity while watching people apologize. What if there isn’t? Anger follows.
What I start to think is that the word ‘sorry’ begins to be more and more redundant and ineffective. (The engineer and the need for effectiveness) As I have mentioned, the action of relating the sincerity in the apologies is more important. What I would argue is that apologies is sugarcoating, what lies between the lines is more important.
Not only for just the simple action of apologizing, but in all forms of communication, be it with or without words, for all effectiveness, I appeal for sincerity.
Is ego a factor? Maybe… Maybe not…
(Sorry for rough work. All of last minute ideas. No pun intended. Sincerity rules.)
-异客拍客-
posted by fukepaike at 1:46 AM
3 Comments:
Oooh, talking about sincerity in apologising... I think sincerity is of no use at all if the apologiser has done something so bad that no matter how sincere he/she is, the person may not forgive him/her at all. Or when the tables turn around, the person is so petty that no amount of sincerity is enough for him/her.
I think such things are always 2-way. If someone is to apologise, there must be another person accepting or rejecting it. It is a 50/50 game. On your side, with sincerity, you can at most score only 20 out of 100, the other 80 is dependent on the other party. And the passing mark is 90 and above, the other party must totally forgive you to be considered successful.
Sometimes I question: Is sincerity really that important? Why do some people accept apologies that you know the apologiser is not sincere enough? Why is it sometimes when you are sincere to the max and you fail to seek forgiveness? There are so many factors affecting it and so many combinations and outcomes.
It really boils down to one thing: Luck. Or you just don't do wrong in the 1st place.
I always believe it is better for people to wrong you than you to wrong others. Cos' if you don't wrong others, others are more likely not to wrong you.
But I do agree that sincerity counts. Why, because in the mind of the apologiser, if he/she is really regretful of what has been done, he/she feels better if he/she can be as sincere to apologise as possible. but that comes to another question, the more sincere you are in apologising, the more danger you put yourself in. Because by being so sincere, you know this must be something where the stakes are high. Failure to be forgiven has serious complications to your mental or emotional well-being.
Can't think of anymore to write...
-dakepaike-
In all cases, we look for win-win scenarios. Most of the time, it's never the chance that the act of forgiving would immediately follow the apology. But could we simply regard the apology ineffective?
No. There are many times where "effect" comes much later than "cause". Hence, it is to the apologiser to convey his/her sincerity across. Whether it pays or not, it will never be in a matter for the apologiser, but for the apologisee. (probably new word) It would not be right to say or to accuse or to judge someone before the decision to apologise is made.
For the unfortunate apologiser, it would be best to be able to forgive oneself, rather than to be concerned with the apologisee's reaction. One must remember that there are emotions traded in the whole process, be it the apologising or the forgiving. Love yourself.
-异客拍客-
I think most cases, the apologiser can only forgive him/herself if the 'apologisee' forgives.
I don't think 'forgiving' oneself's action is the right word to use. I think to be repentant is a better word. If a person repents and seeks forigveness, his/her repents would be meaningless if his/her apology is not accepted.
I still feel that sincerity counts, largely because the apologiser wants to feel better. Why? How to make the apologiser feel better? If his/her apology is accepted and misdeeds forgiven. He/she is ultimately trying to satisfy his/her own desire and wants. He/she wants to feel good at the end of the day.
Oh, but I know that this argument is very weak... because it may only be applicable to the sub-consciousness of the person.
Like what I said the other day, a person's innate desire drives everything, keeps the world moving.
-Dakepaike-
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