Fade into Oblivion

Something wants to put my ideals to halt
At the back of my mind,
A strong calling resounds in my head
“Come back, come back to oblivion”
The heart retaliates aggressively
“Damn you! Why can’t you let me have my way?”
This conflict is too much for me to take
Tears trickle down my cheeks
Tears of confusion
Tears of joy, fear and pain
I don’t understand
Why my mind and heart cannot work as one
Why do they put my soul in a spot?
Why am I forced to a corner?
Why every decision I make brings pain?
When my mind has its way
The heart breaks down in tears
When my heart has its way
The mind snaps and goes insane
Perhaps I should numb my senses
Maybe I should knock myself into coma
Or even stop my heart from beating
When will these foolish thoughts end?
Only time will tell
Time shall lead the path to oblivion
When the feeling subsides
When the mind has no more strength to carry on
When I have no more desire
When I have absolutely nothing
When I can leave the world behind me
But guess what
I can never be oblivious to myself
For the state of ‘self’ is just too strong
I cannot be unknown to myself
And to be tied with the ‘self’
I am once again in pain
As the mind and heart lurks within the ‘self’
So, I can only hope and pray
Imagining myself fading into oblivion
Savouring the illusion of it
To ease a tiny bit of my sorrow
But can you see?
I am running away from something
And I am running towards something as well
But I am running on the spot
With my legs tied together
I know I am bound to stumble and fall
Stumble and fall
Stumble and fall
Without any progress
Without any hope
My mind asks me to stop
Use my hands to untie and free my legs
But the heart refuses to budge
It believes repeated attempts to run will loosen the rope
For the satisfaction to break free like that
Overwrites all the pain and suffering
Now I am back to square one
Nothing gets done
Nothing ever gets done
So I pray again
So many times I pray
And I can only pray
That one day
Everything returns to normal
The day when I AM oblivion

-Dakepaike-