it is 3am in the morning
it is 3am in the morning... I am still not asleep. I cannot sleep. I don't know why.
Today was an extremely shag day. Somehow i felt today is more tiring than a 5km run. Maybe because the ups and downs of today were so drastic that there was not a moment that i could take a breather.
I think i was really physically drained and the worst part was that i was mentally drained as well.
Lactic acid is building up in my legs and i can't really move my body.
I don't know if it is true that when you are tired, your thoughts start to wander. I suddenly think of a lot of things in life... I somehow tear, for reasons that are absurd.
I felt tired and really miserable. The misery i am feeling adds to the tiredness, vice versa.
I feel like i am holding on to the end of a very fast moving train. The train is like my life, i need to hold on because if i release, my life would pass me by and disappear from my sight right in front of me in a matter of seconds. I would never catch the train again if i try to release and relax a little.
On the other hand, if i hold on tight, i always have this feeling that the train may suddenly brake and throw me right into it, leaving me badly injured.
And i also feel like i am wearing a time bomb. You don't know when is it going to explode, but you know it will eventually explode. I hope it will be defused safely of course but i know it would almost definitely explode. I am just trying to buy time, use little tricks to make distractions, preparing excuses and coming up with self justified reasons that maybe only i can accept.
But things are not that worse actually. I have flipped to the side of the coin that i desire. It is just that there are 2 sides to a coin, i know the back side of the coin will always be there, perhaps waiting for its chance to show up and over throw my desired side.
-dakepaike-
Today was an extremely shag day. Somehow i felt today is more tiring than a 5km run. Maybe because the ups and downs of today were so drastic that there was not a moment that i could take a breather.
I think i was really physically drained and the worst part was that i was mentally drained as well.
Lactic acid is building up in my legs and i can't really move my body.
I don't know if it is true that when you are tired, your thoughts start to wander. I suddenly think of a lot of things in life... I somehow tear, for reasons that are absurd.
I felt tired and really miserable. The misery i am feeling adds to the tiredness, vice versa.
I feel like i am holding on to the end of a very fast moving train. The train is like my life, i need to hold on because if i release, my life would pass me by and disappear from my sight right in front of me in a matter of seconds. I would never catch the train again if i try to release and relax a little.
On the other hand, if i hold on tight, i always have this feeling that the train may suddenly brake and throw me right into it, leaving me badly injured.
And i also feel like i am wearing a time bomb. You don't know when is it going to explode, but you know it will eventually explode. I hope it will be defused safely of course but i know it would almost definitely explode. I am just trying to buy time, use little tricks to make distractions, preparing excuses and coming up with self justified reasons that maybe only i can accept.
But things are not that worse actually. I have flipped to the side of the coin that i desire. It is just that there are 2 sides to a coin, i know the back side of the coin will always be there, perhaps waiting for its chance to show up and over throw my desired side.
-dakepaike-
posted by fukepaike at 3:01 AM
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